high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
MIDGETS
????
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
