Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
