saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
