i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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