Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
