Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
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Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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