The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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