how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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