i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
