She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
