I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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