i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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