Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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