somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
