He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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