I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
