he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
