Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
