So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
