You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
