ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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