I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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