it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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