Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
