am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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