What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
