my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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