He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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