K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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