i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Everclear isn't food dammit
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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