i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
