how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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