Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
