woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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