I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
