I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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