you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
