i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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