There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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