we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
