Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He kissed a someone with a penis
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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