i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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