It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
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Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize