Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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