Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize