I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
