Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
