do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
