morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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