considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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