and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
