How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
