Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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