I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
