he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
