I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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