I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
