I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
