toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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