WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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