when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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