she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she pinky promised me she was 18
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
