I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
