We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
