Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
