dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
