Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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