Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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