Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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