I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
