Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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