I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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