I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i now understand why vodka
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize