Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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