just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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