I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my liver is dry heaving
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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